How I became a single mom by choice…
I want to let you know that I’ve decided to go with using our middle names on this web site. I would not mind using our first names, but I am not sure how my kids would feel about this disclosure when they grow up and I don’t want to infringe on their rights to privacy.
So….my name is Kim and I am a 46 year old very proud single mother of three wonderful children. My oldest son, Taylor, is 4 years old and my ten month old twins are Brian and Jean. My children were conceived after almost a decade of trying.
Since I was a baby the most important thing I wanted to do was to be a ‘mommy’ and experience pregnancy and motherhood. I just thought that when I wanted to start my family; it would just happen. I would get married, have children and live happily ever after……
Well, it didn’t quite happen that way
I first started my “trying to conceive” journey when I was newly married and just turned 32 years old. After a year of unexplained infertility I was referred to a fertility specialist who started me a fertility drug. On the sixth month of trying to conceive with the fertility drug I got pregnant but miscarried after 7 weeks. My then husband announced he wanted to end the marriage the day after I miscarried.
Yup, the D word
I took a couple of years to regroup and go back to school to get my education degree to become a teacher…. I was single and at this point made the decision to become a single mom by choice. I went through a fertility clinic and decided to try in vitro fertilization. I had to go through a month of self- injections and medications to only discover that on retrieval day only one egg was to be found. The fertility clinics would not do in vitro with only one egg. So instead they injected me with the vile of sperm I had already picked out for this procedure, also known as artificial insemination. After the two week wait, my pregnancy test showed up negative. Months later I tried this process again only to discover again only one egg on retrieval day. The fertility clinic injected the sperm that was prepared for the in vitro process but again that did not get me pregnant. All this trying and disappointment led to many tears, sadness and frustration; and also a lot of money.
Getting close to 40 and still not a momma
During this time which was about 3 years after my marriage ended, I met a coworker who was pregnant using donor egg and donor sperm. Because of my challenges with egg retrieval before, this intrigued me. She forwarded all her information and research on adoption and fertility clinics to me. I put this on hold for a little while. This process seemed frightening to me and through all these procedures I was still on my hunt to find “Mr. Right” and the father of my children. I dated through online dating sites and I went through an executive dating service. I was hoping all this “trying” on my own was not necessary as my man, husband and father to my children would be right there.
When I was approaching 40 years old and finally had the courage to “go for it” and try to become a single mom by choice. I realized that I could always meet a man after I have the kids. This whole “I got to get pregnant soon because my clock is ticking” highly affected my dating mentality and I didn’t want to jump quickly into a marriage and family. My age and the relationship process didn’t seem to allow for the two to align.
I live in Vancouver, BC. Canada and the laws in regards to donor eggs is limiting. I had to do my in vitro in Seattle, Washington, USA, which is about a three hour drive from Vancouver, with an anonymous American donor egg and sperm.
I selected the egg donor from Seattle, Washington and sperm donor from an American sperm bank which the doctors used to create the donor embryos. For my first in vitro procedure, one embryo was transferred into my body. This is now my now 4 year old son and the rest of the embryos were frozen for future siblings.
Two years later, I returned to Seattle for the same procedure. I had to prepare my body for the transfer which takes over a month of pills and injections. One embryo was transferred but I did not get pregnant. A few months later I did this process again using only one frozen embryo. My pregnancy test came out positive but 6 weeks later my ultra sound discovered it was a blighted ovum. On my third cycle, I decided to transfer two embryos to “increase my odds,” two weeks later I was pregnant with twins!
My two pregnancies were extremely different. My first pregnancy with Taylor was easy, minor symptoms and he was born full term at 37 weeks 2 days via cesarean at 7lbs 1oz. My twins however were a different story; I was extremely exhausted throughout the pregnancy, ended up hospitalized for over a month in a reclined upside down position until they were born cesarean at only 28 weeks 5 days gestation. Brian was born at 1440 grams which is 3 lbs 1 oz and Jean at 1365 grams which is 3 lbs . Both had to spend the first 7 weeks of their life at the hospital in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or NICU for short. They are now healthy, happy and thriving babies.
I could not imagine my life without my kids. They have brought so much joy, love and happiness to me and my entire family. They are the best thing that have ever come into my life.
So why do a podcast?
I hope through this podcast I can assist, encourage, educate or inspire other women who are interested in a similar journey in becoming a single mom by choice. Also, a good friend of mine approached me on the subject. She is quite tech savvy and she thought we could create this together. She felt my experiences would be valuable knowledge to others. I have also had other friends over the years say they want me to talk to their friend because the friend loves kids, wants to be a mom but hasn’t met their mate. I have always told them that their friend can call me anytime but for whatever reason; they don’t end up contacting me. So I think there are many women out there with many questions but may be afraid to take that step and reach out. I know first hand how every step in the thinking, deciding and now parenting stage takes a lot of thought and emotion. Maybe through this podcast they would be more prone to discussion. Starting around episode 15, I will be taking any questions you may have and try to answer them to the best of my knowledge. We have also set up a monthly email newsletter where we announce new published podcast episodes. To sign up, go to our website ChoiceMomma.com and enter your email address on the right. We will never share or sell your email address and you can unsubscribe at any time by clicking unsubscribe at the bottom of the newsletter.
In the next 14 episodes I will more clearly share my journey thus far. Thanks for listening and please join me on our next episode on “What led me to become a single mom by choice”.